today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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