I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
