I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
