i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
