happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i came on her dog
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
