The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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