dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
