Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
