Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
