I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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