So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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