This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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