No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
