When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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