He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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