I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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