i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
