i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
