Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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