I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
