You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
