Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
