i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
