In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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