I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
