Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
