I cockslap morals
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
