I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
