My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
COCAINE IS GR8
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
