The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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