I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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