he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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