moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize