Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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