Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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