I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
