Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
