You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
