thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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