dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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