I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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