I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
