Soap is not a condiment
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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