never play flip cup with pint glasses
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
