just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
