So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
