im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
