Where are you?
In a non slutty way
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
