I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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