my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
