Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Congratulations! We have a period
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
