Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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