walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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