hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
