I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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