I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
